Gaari Means Car. Car Reviews & Car News

THIS PRODUCT IS VERY WARM AND LIGHTWEIGHT. IT DOESN’T “BREATHE” AS WELL AS OTHER BALACLAVAS, BUT THE FACE DEFINITELY STAYS WARM IN THE EXTREME COLD.
Rating: 3 / 5

I bought this mask on amazon for the upcoming hunting season. I knew that I would be wearing it for long periods of time under stenuous circumstances. Dragging carcasses through the woods is not for the weak hearted. I needed to get used to functioning and breathing through it.

I had my cousin Joe Bob sew it onto my head with direct orders not to cut it off for 24 hours. He stuck me with the pin a couple times sewing it on but not to worry.. the neoprene soaked up the blood easily. Another bonus for this wonderful mask. Just a tip.. never have your alcoholic cousin sew a mask onto your head.

Ten minutes into my mask bonding experiment I sneezed in it. Yeah, I know, pretty nasty. I couldn’t take it off so Joe Bob just shot me in the face with a garden hose until the slimey stuff was gone. Bout 15 minutes. I think I know what water boarding feels like now. Tortured by my cousin, nice way to start.

It got awfully itchy bout an hour in.. Bad.. real bad.. Went to the doctor and he gave me some cream… after laughing hysterically. Clearly he was not a serious hunter. He called me “intellectually challenged”, whatever that means. I was able to put the cream on under the mask using one of his toungue dispenser sticks.

As I drove away from the doctor’s office the cream was making my eyes water and apparently affected my driving ability. I was pulled over by the cops for weaving over the center line. In the ensuing argument I called the cop “intellectually challenged”.. He apparently knew what it meant… I can now tell you what a taser feels like.

Imagine, if you will, stabbing yourself in the leg with a fork at the exact same time your mother tells you that she bought you for [...] bucks from a crack whore at birth. Yeah, it hits you both mentally and physically. Thank goodness I didn’t crap my pants. I am now told that with the mask still being wet from the hose compounded the electricity that went through my head.

After leaving the police station I needed something to drink. Yes, I still had the mask on. Between the blood on the back of my head and the extreme electricity I absorbed it is now welded onto my face. I decided to stop at 7-11 for a big gulp. I guess a man walking into a 7-11 wearing a mask raises a few red flags with the employees. Two of them began attacking me as I filled my cup with ice yelling “the cops are on the way”. How many robbers get a big gulp first before robbing a store… seriously.

Five minutes later as I lay in front of the beverage dispenser, thoroughly beaten, I smiled. I was staring up at the face of the cop who had tasered me earlier. He smiled too. His smile was much more sinister. It was like slow motion watching him draw his taser.

I believe this is Karma. I have given up hunting. This is a higher spirits way of telling me not to hunt. I had to quit… there was no way I could take a third taser hit. I have no doubt that this is a great mask when hunting. Please do not use in civilization or if you are going to be experiencing high voltage.
Rating: 5 / 5